Welcome to Facebook
by caught in the wind
Summary: The story of the Twilight Saga, told through the hilarious updates of the socal networking site.


**Bella **changed her location to **A crappy little town that no one's heard of called Forks.**

**Mike **Welcome to Forks, Bella!  
**Jessica **Welcome, Bella!  
**Ron **Welcome to Hogwarts, Bella!  
**Bella **Hogwarts? Wtf?  
**Ron **Sorry, wrong Facebook fanfiction.

**Bella **you're so beautiful – why do think i smell so bad? :'( worst first day EVER

**Edward **likes this.

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**Charlie **hey bells i've just got facebook  
**Bella **go away Charlie!  
**Charlie **ok sorry it's not like i'm your dad or anything...

**Edward **And so the lion fell in love with the lamb

**Bella **likes this.

**Jacob **likes **Telling scary stories to a girl.**

**Bella **do you mean me  
**Jacob **yeah  
**Bella **cool let's be best friends then one day in the near future i'll tell you that i love you but we cant be together because i'll be off fucking some vampire on isle esme!  
**Jacob **Sure, sure

**Alice **that's so alice, it's the future i can seeee, that's so alice, it's so mysterious to me, yeahh! LMFAO!

**Edward, Rosalie, Jasper **and **3 others **like this.

**Bella **is in a relationship with** Edward**.

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**Mike **you're seriously dating that douche?  
**Bella **i happen to love him, mike.  
**Jacob **lmfao Edward and bella climbing up a tree, checking out the scenry, when they're done, they'll have some fun, and make a baby called Renesmeeeeeeeee!  
**Edward **It's okay Jacob, just give the rest of the story away.  
**Jacob **no problem

**Edward** goodbye Forks...

**Bella **Don't go Edward!  
**Edward **fuck off bella!  
**Bella ***lies down on the ground crying*

**Edward **is now single.

**Bella **changed her relationship status to **It's complicated**.

**Jacob **had a great today with bella!

**Bella **likes this

**Bella** likes **Cliff diving! **

**Bella **likes **Considering suicide.**

**Charlie **my daughter is acting like a zombie – what should i do?

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**Bella **thanks dad :/

**Alice **OMG BELLA IS DEAD

**Edward **OMG, really?  
**Alice **yeah :'(

**Bella **lol cliff diving is fun!

**Alice **you're not dead?  
**Bella **no?

**Alice **FALSE ALARM, BELLA'S FINE :)

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**Jasper **edward's already gone to Italy to kill himself!  
**Alice **shit

**Bella** is on the plane to Italy with **Alice **:)

**Jacob **don't say bye then bella...

**Edward **likes **Considering suicide.**

**Jacob **likes this.

**Bella **I love you Edward!

**Edward **likes this.

**Edward **it's okay Bella, I shall not kill myself!

**Alice **likes **Grand Theft Auto.**

**Alice **stealing cars is fun!

**Bella **and **Edward **like this.

**Bella **is finally back in Forks!

**Jacob **likes **walking around topless ;)**

**Leah **i hate you Jacob black!

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**Seth **what's wrong, big sis?  
**Jacob **just leave her alone Seth, she's on her period  
**Leah **I HATE YOU!  
**Jacob **my dad said you left your tampons at my house you should come by and pick them up

**Edward **I truly hate dogs.

**Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie **like this.

**Jacob **I'm not so fond of you either, leech

**Bella **likes **Switzerland**.

**Jasper **wolves and vampires should unite to kill this newborn army!

**No one at all apart from Bella **likes this.

**Leah **can't believe i'm practicing fighting with vampires, thank god i brought my phone :) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Jacob **WHY CAN'T YOU SEEEEEEEEEEEEE, YOU BELONG WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

**Bella **likes this.

**Bella **Jacob, I love you too, but more like a pet dog than a boyfriend...

**Edward **likes this.

**Jacob **a dog, seriously? Is this some kind of joke?

**Emmett **yay we won the fight against the newborns! :D xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Edward **Joy to the world, Victoria's dead! I rippedddddd, offfff her head! What happened to her body? We flushed it down the potty! Oh, thank God she's !

**Bella **likes this.

**Esme **Edward, how immature!  
**Edward **fuck off bitch i'm on a highhhhhhhhhhhh!

**Alice **YAY! Edward and Bella are getting married!

**Bella **and **Edward **like this.

**Jacob **what the actual fuck how come i didn't know about this?  
**Charlie **I agree with Jacob

**Bella **is married to **Edward**.

**Bella **SEX SEXXXX SEXX SEX SEXXX

**Edward** be lucky i ate the pillow and the headboard and not you  
**Jacob **wtf?  
**Charlie **don't forget to use a condom!

**Bella **oops, I'm pregnant

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**Alice **I TOTALLY seen it coming...literally ;)  
**Jacob **Bitch!  
**Charlie **what did i tell you about a condom bella!

**Sam **had a total bitch fight with Jacob.

**Jacob **likes **Considering suicide.**

**Edward **my face seriously looks like this right now 0_0

**Bella **giving birth, brb!

**Renesmee **joined Facebook.

**Jacob **has imprinted on **Renesmee**.

**Renesmee **gogo gaga im a babyyy

**Edward **I love my daughter :)

**Bella **likes this.

**Bella **OMG just had a great idea! Why don't we invite vampires from all over the world to our house for a HAAAUGEEEE fight with the Volturi?

**Everyone **likes this even though it's stupid.

**Edward** likes** Loads of vampires being together for nothing**

**Bella **I HAVE THE POWER OF THE FORCEFIELDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

**The Volturi **this is shit, we're leaving

**Renesmee **likes** looking older than you really are :)**

**Jacob **life sucks, and then you die.

**Renesmee **likes this.

**Bella **changed her location to **Happily Ever After.**


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